All Is Well

 

I wasn't planning on writing about this, but I feel like I need to.

Here's the honest truth. Three months ago, my husband, two daughters, and I packed up and moved 1,500 miles away from all of our family, friends, childhood homes, and the most blessed valley of them all so that Spouse Unit could go to grad school. I was so stoked to go on this adventure with Spouse Unit and the girls!

Here's why:
1. We lived close to both our families, whom we love dearly, but it could be a bit frustrating at times (I love and miss you guys a lot, though. Serious.).
2. We felt like we were stuck in a rut and weren't progressing financially, career-wise, etc.
3. I haven't had many chances to venture out into the unknown, and I felt like I needed a change of pace and scenery.
4. I love making friends and meeting new people.

We hopped in our car that we bought for $1 from Parents of Spouse Unit and headed out. I walkie-talkied with Spouse Unit while he drove the moving truck. We drove for 3 1/2 days through 4 states (hitting one turtle on the highway in the process. It was traumatic) and arrived in our new home. We were tired, and cranky, and thankfully alive after almost getting in an accident on the freeway 15 minutes from our new apartment.

Things were exciting at first. We got to spend 2 full weeks with Spouse Unit before school started. We played every day, explored, and set up our cute apartment. Our new ward was welcoming and I was invited to a lot of fun activities!

Then things started to get a little hard.

Spouse Unit started school, and it turns out, starting school means that he is going to be gone for 11 hours every day.

Then the girls got sick, then I got sick, then Spouse Unit got sick, then the girls got sick again, and then again.

Then a lot of the ladies in our ward that were so welcoming the first month stopped calling me to do things.

Then our car wouldn't start.

Then my friends back home weren't keeping in touch like I thought that they would, or should.

Then we got put in the nursery, which I love, but it means any adult interaction at church is limited to sacrament meeting, which is probably the one meeting in which you're not really supposed to talk to other people.

Meanwhile, the weather has been unbearably hot, so we have been spending a lot of time inside our one bedroom apartment. Yep. All 4 of us. This has made me extremely irritable, which means I have been short-tempered with my children and husband, thus making me feel like a failure as a mother and wife.

Then, 2 weeks ago, the dog that we've had since I was 11 years old was put down.

The girls had a checkup last Monday, and it ended up with us being at the clinic for 4 hours while both of them got checkups, shots, Tina had 2 vials of blood drawn for lead testing, and I met with a counselor to talk about whether I am having post-partum depression, whether I am just having a lot of difficult life changes all at once, or both.

The next day, I met with a therapist. I think she was disappointed to find out nothing's terribly wrong, but that I'm just a burnt out, Mormon, stay-at-home mom. I can imagine that therapists would be warned about Latter-Day-Saint women in school, like it would be part of their curriculum. "The next session of class will be a lecture on the rise and fall of Mormon women and the compassion fatigue that is so prevalent in their culture."

Anyway, do you want to know what the therapist told me? She said that I need to take time for myself and open up to people more.

That's basically it.

It may not seem like much to you, but it was a revelation to me. I have a hard time asking for help and taking time for myself because I don't want to inconvenience people. In fact, I hate it. So I would have never considered it before, but in order to be a better-functioning mother, wife, and human being I need to inconvenience people. So I'm going to do it, and I am doing it. Right now, as I write this for you to read. I am taking time for myself, and I am opening up.

I'm happy to say that things are getting a little better this week. I'm trying to change my frame of mind, because there are a lot of things in my life are going right. And I'm trying to do things that bring me joy.

Now, I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure that a lot of people go through hard things all the time and need ideas of how to get happy again, especially when they're in the thick of things. During the past week I have been mentally compiling a list, and here it is. I hope it is of some help to you.

1. Have a dance party while you get ready for the day.
2. Pray to "choose happiness." This is my new thing.
3. Exercise.
4. Start a gratitude journal. Every day, write at down 3 things that you were grateful for that day.
5. Call a friend. Maybe the reason they're not calling you is because it's your turn!
6. Eat dessert. Obviously.
7. Write a genuine thank you note and send it in the mail to someone. Getting mail is the best.
8. Go out of your way to serve someone.
9. Read a book, or two, or three that you loved as a child.
10. Take a nap.
11. Spend time with your family, friends, or pet. Or all of them! See below.
12. Have a party.
13. Spend time in nature, at the temple, or anywhere that brings you peace.
14. Try to look at the positive side of everything. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
15. Be by yourself, even if it's just for 5 or 10 minutes.
16. Look up pirate jokes.
17. Remember that unless you're playing sports, you shouldn't be in competition with anyone. Everyone gets their own pie, and if someone does something better than you, you still have all of your slices of pie. Nobody is taking anything away from you.
18. Think of all of the people who love you, and if you can't think of anyone, know that I do. Really. And don't underestimate God's love for you. He loves you more than you know. 

I want you to know that if these things aren't working for you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to get help from a professional. There is too much negative stigma attached to going to therapy. Therapy is actually really great. It is better to go get help than suffer in silence. Life is too precious for that.

I want to share is a verse from a favorite church hymn that struck a chord with me this week.

"Why should we mourn, or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell--
All is well! All is well!"

("Come, Come Ye Saints" by William Clayton, verse 2) 

I am never alone. Neither are you. You are never EVER alone. Jesus Christ lived a perfect life, but that doesn't mean He never felt alone or sad. In fact, He felt those things so that He knew how to better help us. I am so grateful for that. We go through hard times to test what we're made of, and sometimes we go through hard times so that we can help others who are going to go through similar things later. I don't know who needed to read this, but I had a feeling I needed to share my experience on my blog. I hope it helps someone, even if that someone is just me.

Hasta la pasta, ya'll.