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A Mom-Themed Birthday Party

Once upon a time, we just had birthday parties. There were no themes. Just plain ol' cake, ice cream, and junk food. We had basic decorations, like helium balloons and streamers. We had music from boomboxes, not DJs. We played games like "Pin the Tail on The Donkey," "Heavy, Heavy Hangover," hit piƱatas with baseball bats, and maybe did a cake walk if we were feeling fancy. We opened presents, sang "Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too." Everyone went home sugar high and happy.

Those were the days. I yearn for the same simplicity. Nowadays, you have to have a theme for your party and it has to be big. Points are awarded as follows (I think? I'm not really keeping score): 

5 points for a theme with whatever your child is currently obsessed with. 
25 extra points if it's good enough to pin on Pinterest. 
10 more points if the food is organic, gluten free, soy free, with no GMO's or high fructose corn syrup in it. 

And the thing is, after all the time and money you spend on DIY-ing everything for the big event, your kids won't even remember you threw the party in the first place! Unless they look on Pinterest years later and see that you pinned every detail. That is--if Pinterest still exists... O_0 

Don't worry-- I, too, have fallen into this trap. That's why, this year for my daughter's birthday, I'm throwing a Mom-themed birthday party.

You heard me right. I have pooled my resources and realized I've got nothing. I also realized that I'm still figuring out her little personality. I do know that she likes me at least half the time, though. If I have to choose between throwing an extravagant birthday party she probably won't like or remember, or a mom party that I'll remember and like, you know what I'm going to pick.

We shall start out by sending the invitations! They're going to be evites. We'll pretend that I'm trying to reduce my carbon footprint, but we all know the real reason behind sending an evite: They're free and I don't have to stand in line at the post office. 

The evite will say something like this:

You are cordially invited to Lil Spits'  Tina's birthday party!

Date: On her birthday, unless that's a weekday. In that case, we're going to ruin your weekend by throwing it on a Saturday.

Time: Not too early and it won't go for too long, because, you know, naps. Partially for the kids, but mostly for the one throwing the party (aka me).

Location: Somewhere that doesn't require a deposit, doesn't mind screaming kids, allows me to bring my own food, and has a bathroom that can handle an army of toddlers. Bonus if I don't have to clean up after.

Attire: Sweatpants. Makeup is strictly prohibited. I'm talking to you, super moms. 

Please bring: Cash, diapers, and wipes. We already have enough toys to pick up.

The evite will have a picture of me on it. Actually, that's a terrible idea. Picture on invite pending.

We will have cupcakes (because I've gotten really good at making them), but they take a while, which means I won't have time to cook anything else... so we're also going to have leftovers from the fridge. Hope you don't mind.

We will play music that I like, but it'll be interrupted by ads 
sporadically and we'll have to switch songs mid-play because somebody *coughcoughthebirthdaygirl* isn't going to like it. 

We'll play games like, "Sorting the Laundry," and "the Quiet Game," and "Timeout," and "Sleep Training."

We will end the party by sending everyone home with a goodie bag! It will be full of their own garbage from the party to throw away so that I don't have to do it.  

I, for one, am super excited about the whole shebang! If anyone wants an evite, hit me up.

Thanks for reading, and we'll see ya on the flip-flop.


3rd birthday cake PC: Canva, because I'm too lazy to make a cake for this post and because the image was free.


  1. This is amazing! I wish I was closer so I could bring Lil Spits some diapers and being home my garbage!

    1. I wish you were here too! I miss you guys something awful! I feel like I should be sending you diapers! When's that baby due?


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