Lately I've felt like a hormonal beast-of-a-mom, and an extremely blessed one at that.
Last week was especially bad for everyone. My kids were at their worst, and I was at mine. I felt so much guilt from how I treated my children. I prayed for patience, then when I felt like I was too impatient and couldn't handle it, I prayed to be able to control my temper. When I was too mad and felt out of control, I prayed for grace instead. I felt like I barely survived last week, but we survived, nevertheless, and had some fun moments regardless of the chaos. After the week from the infernal pit was over, I was sitting at church and realized that the previous Sunday I had specifically asked in my prayers for "challenges that I could handle."
I recently prayed for opportunities to help bring income into our home, and I put my name out there for babysitting on a local Facebook page as well as my old ward's e-mail. I received messages from 6-7 different women about babysitting jobs. I now get to take my girls to work with me and we're working on building up our savings so we can take out less money in student loans next semester.
My girls have been taking turns being sick for the past month. I have been praying for good health so that I can take care of my family. So far I haven't really gotten sick. I have sneezed a few times and had a sore throat for maybe a day.
I got a group email from a lady from my old ward saying that she had little girls' clothing that she was getting rid of. I talked to Spouse Unit and told him how we were running out of clothes in upper sizes for Tina (baby showers are great, but you only get clothes up to a certain point and then you're on your own, ya know? It's like people expect you to raise your own kids or something). I also told him that I'd like for her to have some plain white shirts because all of hers were stained. He pointed out that she'd probably stain new white shirts, too, but I still wanted some. In my heart of hearts, I was thinking that maybe some new panties would help her try potty training again. Guess what? I got a garbage bag full of clothes the next size up that Tina needed, including 3 white shirts and 5 pairs of opened, but unused, princess panties.
I went out during the girls' bedtime because I needed some time to myself. We had had a great day, but I had felt exhausted and a little guilty from how I had reacted to some discrepancies between the girls and I earlier in the day. I got in the car and said a very humble and heartfelt prayer. I shared my frustrations about my inability to be the mom and wife I wanted to be, and asked for God to help me be the mom HE wanted me to be.
I started the car and tried to put on an audiobook I was interested in. When it wouldn't work, I put on some October 2007 LDS General Conference talks instead. I chose them at random and I heard exactly what I needed to hear: a simple testimony from Boyd K. Packer that brought me to tears, and another talk about my current church calling in Young Women.
On my way home, I received a text from Spouse Unit containing a video. I pulled over to our old apartment and watched it. In the video, Tina was sitting on a chair with a picture of Jesus Christ. She said, "Jesus loves Mommy!" and then named off the other members of our family. She asked, "When is Mommy coming back?" and then they sang "I Am a Child of God" while Tina plunked out random keys on the keyboard. Spouse Unit, Lil Spits, and Tina each told me that they loved me, and the video ended.
I had felt so much love, comfort, peace, and reassurance in such a short amount of time from the people that I care for most: my husband, my daughters, my Savior, and my Heavenly Father.
I can honestly say that I know that God is real and that He is completely aware of us. These experiences I've shared are only a handful that I have had to let me know that He is there and that He has my back. He knows my needs, my concerns, the desires of my heart, and the simple things that I want or need, but might not ask for.
The same goes for you. God loves you. He knows your needs, your concerns, the desires of your heart, and the simple things that you want or need, but might not ask for.
I don't care who you are, if you are struggling, alone, frustrated, or even feeling extremely happy and grateful, Heavenly Father wants to hear from you and He wants to hear it all! He is eager to hear from us and bless us with what we NEED to help us become better people. When we pray, we have a loving Heavenly Father that is listening, intent on answering our prayers in the way that is going to be most beneficial for us.
Please try to find a place today where you can be by yourself for a minute and say a little prayer. It doesn't have to be an elaborate prayer, just a simple and heartfelt one. It can be a prayer of gratitude, or just to ask if He's really there. You can pour out your heart if you want to or need to. Regardless of the type of prayer you give, I promise you that if you are sincere, you will receive an answer.
Thanks for reading,
Melissa
Last week was especially bad for everyone. My kids were at their worst, and I was at mine. I felt so much guilt from how I treated my children. I prayed for patience, then when I felt like I was too impatient and couldn't handle it, I prayed to be able to control my temper. When I was too mad and felt out of control, I prayed for grace instead. I felt like I barely survived last week, but we survived, nevertheless, and had some fun moments regardless of the chaos. After the week from the infernal pit was over, I was sitting at church and realized that the previous Sunday I had specifically asked in my prayers for "challenges that I could handle."
I recently prayed for opportunities to help bring income into our home, and I put my name out there for babysitting on a local Facebook page as well as my old ward's e-mail. I received messages from 6-7 different women about babysitting jobs. I now get to take my girls to work with me and we're working on building up our savings so we can take out less money in student loans next semester.
My girls have been taking turns being sick for the past month. I have been praying for good health so that I can take care of my family. So far I haven't really gotten sick. I have sneezed a few times and had a sore throat for maybe a day.
I got a group email from a lady from my old ward saying that she had little girls' clothing that she was getting rid of. I talked to Spouse Unit and told him how we were running out of clothes in upper sizes for Tina (baby showers are great, but you only get clothes up to a certain point and then you're on your own, ya know? It's like people expect you to raise your own kids or something). I also told him that I'd like for her to have some plain white shirts because all of hers were stained. He pointed out that she'd probably stain new white shirts, too, but I still wanted some. In my heart of hearts, I was thinking that maybe some new panties would help her try potty training again. Guess what? I got a garbage bag full of clothes the next size up that Tina needed, including 3 white shirts and 5 pairs of opened, but unused, princess panties.
I went out during the girls' bedtime because I needed some time to myself. We had had a great day, but I had felt exhausted and a little guilty from how I had reacted to some discrepancies between the girls and I earlier in the day. I got in the car and said a very humble and heartfelt prayer. I shared my frustrations about my inability to be the mom and wife I wanted to be, and asked for God to help me be the mom HE wanted me to be.
I started the car and tried to put on an audiobook I was interested in. When it wouldn't work, I put on some October 2007 LDS General Conference talks instead. I chose them at random and I heard exactly what I needed to hear: a simple testimony from Boyd K. Packer that brought me to tears, and another talk about my current church calling in Young Women.
On my way home, I received a text from Spouse Unit containing a video. I pulled over to our old apartment and watched it. In the video, Tina was sitting on a chair with a picture of Jesus Christ. She said, "Jesus loves Mommy!" and then named off the other members of our family. She asked, "When is Mommy coming back?" and then they sang "I Am a Child of God" while Tina plunked out random keys on the keyboard. Spouse Unit, Lil Spits, and Tina each told me that they loved me, and the video ended.
I had felt so much love, comfort, peace, and reassurance in such a short amount of time from the people that I care for most: my husband, my daughters, my Savior, and my Heavenly Father.
I can honestly say that I know that God is real and that He is completely aware of us. These experiences I've shared are only a handful that I have had to let me know that He is there and that He has my back. He knows my needs, my concerns, the desires of my heart, and the simple things that I want or need, but might not ask for.
The same goes for you. God loves you. He knows your needs, your concerns, the desires of your heart, and the simple things that you want or need, but might not ask for.
I don't care who you are, if you are struggling, alone, frustrated, or even feeling extremely happy and grateful, Heavenly Father wants to hear from you and He wants to hear it all! He is eager to hear from us and bless us with what we NEED to help us become better people. When we pray, we have a loving Heavenly Father that is listening, intent on answering our prayers in the way that is going to be most beneficial for us.
Please try to find a place today where you can be by yourself for a minute and say a little prayer. It doesn't have to be an elaborate prayer, just a simple and heartfelt one. It can be a prayer of gratitude, or just to ask if He's really there. You can pour out your heart if you want to or need to. Regardless of the type of prayer you give, I promise you that if you are sincere, you will receive an answer.
Thanks for reading,
Melissa
Thanks so much for sharing. I have been feeling that monster-mommy way the past few weeks, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's always on my knees (or sometimes in the car or laying in bed or sitting at my desk or standing in the kitchen while the kids run screaming circles around my feet), talking with my Father in Heaven, that I find peace and assurance.
Thank you for sharing your testimony. It brought peace and reminders that we're all living parallel to each other, experiencing so many of the same things, and the Lord helps us each individually.
Thanks Morgan! It's so nice to know none of us are alone in our struggles, especially nice to remember that people I look up to (like you) have their moments as well. Love you and so excited for your baby to come!
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